You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
