I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
