I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
