yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
