i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
