John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
