Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
