You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
