i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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