so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
