i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
