I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
