I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
