I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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