For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
