Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
