When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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