Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
