The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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