I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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