i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
