Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
