I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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