She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
PANTIES FOUND
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
