I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
