im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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