Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
