textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
