you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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