i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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