but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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