The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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