That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
