I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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