So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
