Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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