remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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