You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
