Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
