You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
