Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
