I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
