Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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