im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
