Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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