I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
