we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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