It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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