Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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