I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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